


Balder Gets Topped After Talking On The Phone for Fifteen Minutes

by OCWotchny



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games)
Genre: Hairbrush fucking, Other, Phone Sex, Self insert(?) It isn't me, The Strap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 03:51:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OCWotchny/pseuds/OCWotchny
Summary: me writing these feels like i'm stuck in a cage with a gun pointed at me someone please help m





	Balder Gets Topped After Talking On The Phone for Fifteen Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> will i ever write something normal again

Balder’s eyes flick back over to the phone on the table next to him for the sixth time in the last 10 minutes, still hung up on what his daughter had brought up just days ago. Just considering it made him feel… Weird. Like he was about to make a change he would never be able to take back. If he made the call, he would cross over into the uncharted territory of someone who has done it, never able to again become someone who hasn’t. 

Even knowing that, however… It might be worth it. Maybe Cereza had a point-- it’s been a few hundred years since he’s put himself out there, and with this service (service? Is that what he should call it?), he can test the waters from the comfort of his own home. It’s anonymous, too, which is a notable comfort in the back of his head.

“I…” He starts, his gaze dropping to the floor. His hands grip his thighs as he steels himself and inhales a deep breath through his nose. “I’m going to do it. I am going to call the phone sex hotline.”

Saying it out loud makes him feel a little dumb, but it gives him some relief nonetheless. Well, no matter.

Without wasting another moment, he snatches up his phone and scrolls up through his conversation with Cereza, searching for the number she had sent him. As soon as he finds it, he taps on it and hits the small green button at the bottom of his screen to start the call. His hands shake the entire time, and he has to steady himself while it rings so he doesn’t embarrass himself.

_ Ring… _

_ Ring…… _

_ Ring……… _

After what feels like forever, someone finally picks up from the other end. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

**_“Thank you for calling Niteline, where only the hottest girls talk you towards the night of your life! Please say or enter your credit card information on your keypad, and we promise to introduce you to the girl of your dreams!”_ **

_ Ah, right, _ Balder thinks. _ I suppose this is a business, of some sorts. I should have expected that they’d want me to pay. _

After grabbing his card and entering the information, there’s a small pause before the automated voice speaks up again.

**_“Thank you, your payment has been accepted. Please sit through this brief advertisement, while we pair you with the right girl for you!”_ **

There’s another pause, and then a music intro sounds out from the speaker. Balder is stunned; it never would have occurred to him that a phone sex hotline would have advertisements. He’s a little afraid of what might pop up on something like this.

**_“Hi, welcome to Semi-Homemade! I’m Sandra Lee-- Let’s get cooking!”_ **

Balder nearly drops his phone.

**_“This week, we’re going to be making an amazing ice-cream baked potato, along with a bunch of other goodies for the family to enjoy! Tune in to learn how to make fun, easy, and delicious meals together with me, Sandra Lee! Come join at five-thirty central time! Hope to see you there!”_ **

Balder isn’t sure how he’s supposed to feel. The vibe is almost killed, until…

“Thank you for calling Niteline! This is Nia speaking. Can I ask who I’ll be talking to this evening?”

Time seems to stop for a split second, and Balder reconsiders one final time over whether or not he’s going to do this.

He decides to go through with it. This is no time to start acting like a coward, Balder. 

“My name is… Balder,” he says, regaining his courage. 

“Ooh,” she says. “I like your name, Balder. It sounds strong. Can you tell me about yourself? What do you look like?”

“I, erm…” He blanks. This feels… Oddly casual. Not at all what he was expecting. “I’m… Fairly tall, over six feet. I have long white hair, and, er… Sharp features…? I’m,  _ ahem _ , muscular as well, if I say so myself.”

“Tall and muscular is nice. I’m a taller girl, so it’s nice to find men who… Size up to me, so to speak.” She giggles. “Now,  _ Balder _ ,” (the she says his name is more of a purr) “Can you tell me why you called tonight? You sound like an upstanding man… Usually guys like you are only up this late if they want something…  _ Dirty.” _

Balder pauses. It’s now or never.

“I… Did call for something, ahem,  _ fun _ ,” he says, disappointed in how his cheeks burn when the words come out. “It’s been quite some time since… I’ve had the company of a woman,” he says. “I was told this was a good way to, er, ease into it.”

“Of course, baby,” Nia says. “Don’t worry about anything. I’ll take care of you tonight. How would you like to start out?”

The question surprises him. “I… I don’t know. Could you… Tell me what to do?”

“You want me to take control?” Nia asks, voice husky. 

“Yes,” Balder says. This feels familiar.

“I want you to touch yourself,” she starts out. “Can you do that for me? Don’t take off your clothes if you have them on-- Feel yourself through your pants.”

He does as she asks, beginning to run slow circles through his trousers. He gets hard faster than he’d like to admit, and has to lean back against his headboard to keep steady. His eyes drift closed as Nia continues.

“Imagine that’s me with you… Me feeling your strong thighs, palming up your dick… You like that, Balder? Do you like thinking that’s me there with you?”

Balder lets out a breathless noise, nodding even though she can’t see him. She must have heard him regardless, because she sounds encouraged. 

“Mm, yes. I like that sound… Now Balder, can you do something for me? I want you to…” Balder follows her instructions eagerly, shimmying out of his clothes and stroking himself to full mast. He pinches his nipples when she asks him to, brushes his fingers across the insides of his thighs, lets out small  _ “Yes” _ es and more when she asks for it… It’s not until they’re ten minutes in that he realizes she’s  _ teasing _ him, pushing him to the edge but never letting him go over. Not that this would be enough, anyways. He knows he won’t finish like this, not without…

As if she read his mind, Nia steers into another direction. “Balder, baby, you’ve done so good for me tonight. Are you still with me?”

_ “Yes,” _ he moans, nodding his head and giving himself a squeeze. “Yes, Nia, I’m with you-”

“Good.” She says. “Now, I want you to do something for me… Do you have any toys? Anything to put inside you? I want to know just how submissive you can be, baby. Can you do that for me?”

Balder stops, eyes snapping open. Had he understood her correctly? “You… You want me to-?”

“I want you to take something up that thick ass of yours, I sure do. Do you have anything?”

Pale skin lights up like a police siren when he considers it, and he bashfully stands up and sets the phone on the bed. “Give me… Just a moment,” he says. “I will be right back.”

He returns from the bathroom some two minutes later, his round hairbrush clutched tightly to his chest.

“I’m back,” he says quietly. “I… Only have a hairbrush. Is that… Okay…?”

Nia lets out a noise that sounds somewhere between a moan and a groan. Was she biting her lip? Is she really enjoying this? “That’s  _ perfect _ , baby,” she says. “You must really want this if that’s what you’re going with. Can you get on all fours for me? Tell me about what you’re doing.”

He does as she asks, and shakily maneuvers it so the brush handle is poised at his entrance. “I’m… Putting it in now.” The one arm that’s holding him up shakes violently from the strain and the pressure, and collapses underneath the weight of it all after a few seconds. His chest hits the bed, and the sudden movement makes him accidentally push a solid inch in without warning. Balder keens at the intrusion, letting out small pants to try and calm himself so he can get used to it.

“Oh,  _ my _ ,” he moans, eyes squeezed shut. His hair, which is cascading across his white sheets, is brushed out of his face as he tries to get more comfortable. Nia lets out a groan.

“What happened?” She asks.

Balder whines. “It’s… It’s in,” he admits. He pushes it in a little further, which elicits another gasp. Nia makes a noise of enjoyment. 

“You like that?” She asks. “You like feeling that in your ass? I bet you wish it was something bigger,” she says. “I bet you were wishing it was this strap spreading you open, don’t you? Move it in and out, let me hear you.”

He moves his wrist back and forth in small motions, feeling the handle pull and tug on his walls as he lets out small moans.  _ “Yes,”  _  he moans. She’s right; he  _ does _ wish it was something else. This is just like that time…

_ “Please… R-... Ros…” _

“Mmm,” Nia hums, voice husky. “Smack your ass. Make it loud, so I can hear it.”

He stops moving the brush so he can do just that, smacking his fat, juicy ass so hard that the sound rings on the walls. The violent movement makes the point of the handle prod into that spot inside him, and without warning he cums on his quilt with a scream.

Nia’s lewd giggle sounds out from the phone, and he pulls out the brush and lets it fall to the floor as he comes down from his high. “Did you just cum after a few seconds of that?” She asks. “You really  _ do _ like being fucked, just like a bottom slut…”

Balder nods, breath coming out in harsh pants. “I do…” He admits. “I… I do like being fucked… Just like… A slut…”

The groan Nia lets out sounds genuine.  _ “Mm, I like that…  _ Are you spent, Balder…? Did you get it all out…?” She asks. Balder nods again.

“I’m… I’m done,” he says, falling onto his side.

“Good!” Nia says. Her voice sounds just like it did at the beginning of the call. Balder is startled awake at the sudden change. “Thank you so much for your business! We hope you call  _ Niteline _ again! Have a good rest of your evening, Balder!”

The line goes dead.

Balder lies there in shock for a moment, eyebrows furrowed as his pupils look around for nothing in particular.

“Nia…?” He asks after a moment of quiet. “Nia, are you there? Nia?... Hello?"   
  
  



End file.
